As you can probably imagine after being in the hospital for most of my pregnancy and having the health issues that I have been having, the number of doctors and specialist that I have seen or have been watching over me continues to grow. I can't being to to say thank you for everything that these highly qualified people have done for me, this baby and our family. What I don't understand is the number of people who are not highly qualified nor have any idea of what my condition is or what I have been going through trying to give me advice.
Last night I was rushed into the Radiology department of the Rockyview Hospital for an emergency ultra sound of my picc line because I am having unexplained pain and shouldn't be. As I was waiting in the room for the ultra sound tech to return so he could do the exam my mind started to wander and worry about all the things that could possibly be wrong and what solutions and procedures I am have to entail in the near future.
So in walks the ultra sound tech and the first thing he snaps at me (yes snaps as if I had done something to frustrate him or I was some how wasting his time) is "Why are you here?" Think to myself that this is a stupid question with an obvious answer I said "For an ultra sound."
"Of what" He again snaps at me as though my answer of "an ultra sound" was not what he wanted to hear. Again I am thinking that if I was rushed in for an emergency ultra sound and they were waiting for me to get there, then obviously there was paper work sent ahead of time and everything should be stated on why I'm here and what I need done.
Now becoming frustrated myself I replied, "Of my right arm."
"Why?"
Seriously? Shouldn't you know all this information? I have never had to walk into a procedure and explain what I am there.
" Because I have a picc line in and I am experiencing pain."
"Why?"
Why am I experiencing pain? Do you not think that if I knew why I was experiencing pain in my arm I wouldn't be here for an ultra sound? Why are you even asking me these questions, you are not a doctor, you have no idea what I have been going through or what my treatment is and as far as I am concerned you don't need to know. All you have to do is the ultra sound.
"I don't know why I am having pain."
(This comment seemed to really push him over the edge and whatever calm he had was now gone.)
"No, why do you have the picc line in?"
Again information that you do not need to know nor should you even be asking me. Pretty sure that all my medical information is considered private and confidential.
" Because I can't eat or drink anything and this is my only form of getting nutrition."
"You're pregnant you should be eating."
EXCUSE ME? Are you really going to stand there and tell me what I should and should not be doing in my pregnancy? Who on earth do you think you are? If you know me you know that I can only stay calm for so long and once you push me over the edge it's not pretty. So here was my response...
" I don't think that's any of your business so why don't you just sit down turn on your machine and do your job."
I know that there are so many people that are worried about me, praying for me and willing to do whatever they can to make this experience better in some way shape or form. It's when people who have no idea what they are talking about or have any sort of comprehension of what I have gone through, think they have the answer to what is wrong or say stupid comments like "You're pregnant you should be eating." Stop for one second and think, if I could eat don't you think I would be doing that rather than have a picc line in?
I guess some people really should not be in the health care profession if they are not able to deal with people in a respectful and compassionate manner. Even after I snap at the tech he said not two words more to me for the full 40 min exam and didn't care that he was pressing so hard on my arm that I was crying. I felt like he was punishing me for standing up to him.
Unfortunately he is not the first bad health care tech that I have had to deal with but I sure hope that he is the last.
The Neesons
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Six Month Check In
Well I have made it to the six month mark in this pregnancy and only have three months left. Although making just one more week is a huge accomplishment in this pregnancy, each day that God keeps this baby alive and me out of the hospital is a miracle.
Anyways six months deserves an update so here we go.
I have been at my parents place for two months now and my mom has been taking care of all my medical needs including flushing my picc line, preparing my tpn food bags and even changing my picc line dressing. Her and my father have been watching over Toryn and all his daily needs as well as getting me to doctors and ultra sound appointments.
My picc line is still doing fine which it better be because if this one fails I don't really have another option. After the last two picc lines failed the doctors informed me that I only have one vein that can be used and after three times the vein is no longer usable. That being said, we are doing everything we can to keep this line healthy.
At one point I had placenta previa but thankfully that has gone away. I no longer need to have a c-section unless something medically happens between now and the delivery. The doctors told me that they are trying to avoid a c-section at all costs because the recovery on my body is going to be very hard and if I have a c-section it will be even harder.
Baby Bear is doing amazingly well. He/she is growing and is exactly where they need to be at this point of the pregnancy. Right now the weight is about two pounds and is as long as an English cucumber. I have had nine ultra sounds so far in this pregnancy and will continue to have one every month until the baby is born just to make sure things are still going as planned.
That's all the good, here is the concerns.
My heart has been doing some strange things where it races uncontrollably for no reason and I get short of breath. The doctors are concerned so they want to hook me up to a heart monitor for a while to see if they can track it's rate and figure out what's going on. To give you an example of what I mean, I will be sleeping and do the smallest thing like roll over and my heart goes crazy and I am woken up gasping for breath.
I have developed this horrible cough and cold. On top of throwing up everyday I now have this barking chest cough that makes my chest feel like it's going to explode. My stomach hurts because of being sick and now hurts even more from coughing and I have a horrible headache. In fact, you know when you have the flu and your whole body just aches, that's what I feel like.
Dizzy spells are becoming more and more frequent. In the last five days I have been light headed or passed out four times. There is no explained reason as to why this is happening and it comes as randomly as it wants to. I know that I have normally low blood pressure and this could explain part of it but every time they check my blood pressure it comes up normal so who knows.
So there you go, I am still doing fine and for the moment still out of the hospital, we just don't know for how long. As I have told my family as long as this baby is healthy I will worry about my body after. Right now there just seems to be a few health concerns that need to be addressed in the near future.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
The Baby Name Game
When you are expecting a baby there are many things that you need to prepare in advance before the exciting delivery date. You have to get the crib, some clothes, diapers, Tylenol for the many headaches you will have in the next few months, and you also have the long talks and discussions over what name you will give your soon to be bundle of joy.
When you and your spouse start talking about names you both agree that the name should be something that you both like and when you think of that name your heart is instantly warmed by the thought of your child. You would never pick a name that reminds you of someone that you have had a horrible experience with, or a person you wish you had never known or entered your life. The name you pick should be special to you and unique to your child. There is a reason we pick the names that we do.
For example the name that we picked for our son.
Toryn- This is an Irish name that we picked to represent my husbands strong and proud Irish heritage. This name also means chief which we hope that our son has the drive, leadership and strength that comes with being a chief.
James- This middle name was picked because James is the English version of Shamus my husbands name. It is also Shamus's fathers middle name.
Lee- This middle name was picked because it is my fathers middle name.
Neeson- We figured that our son should have the same last name as his parents.
There was so much thought and emotion put into picking our sons name and when anyone we know says or hears the name Toryn, they automatically think of our adorable little red haired boy. Of course my husband and I went through hundreds of names before we could settle on the perfect boy name but the fact is that we picked that name because it was special and meant something to us.
Right now we don't know if we are having a boy or a girl but again we have two names that are picked out which are perfect for whatever gender baby we are blessed with. However, at this moment we have been calling this child Baby Bear. It is a nick name that we have given this child in love and when ever anyone says or writes that name everyone thinks of my special child that God is watching over.
I can't wait to meet this baby as I have said before and when we give this child their name I know that it will be unique and given in love.
When you and your spouse start talking about names you both agree that the name should be something that you both like and when you think of that name your heart is instantly warmed by the thought of your child. You would never pick a name that reminds you of someone that you have had a horrible experience with, or a person you wish you had never known or entered your life. The name you pick should be special to you and unique to your child. There is a reason we pick the names that we do.
For example the name that we picked for our son.
Toryn- This is an Irish name that we picked to represent my husbands strong and proud Irish heritage. This name also means chief which we hope that our son has the drive, leadership and strength that comes with being a chief.
James- This middle name was picked because James is the English version of Shamus my husbands name. It is also Shamus's fathers middle name.
Lee- This middle name was picked because it is my fathers middle name.
Neeson- We figured that our son should have the same last name as his parents.
There was so much thought and emotion put into picking our sons name and when anyone we know says or hears the name Toryn, they automatically think of our adorable little red haired boy. Of course my husband and I went through hundreds of names before we could settle on the perfect boy name but the fact is that we picked that name because it was special and meant something to us.
Right now we don't know if we are having a boy or a girl but again we have two names that are picked out which are perfect for whatever gender baby we are blessed with. However, at this moment we have been calling this child Baby Bear. It is a nick name that we have given this child in love and when ever anyone says or writes that name everyone thinks of my special child that God is watching over.
I can't wait to meet this baby as I have said before and when we give this child their name I know that it will be unique and given in love.
Friday, September 10, 2010
NG Tubes
After being at home for a month now it's hard to imagine all that I have gone through just to be six months pregnant.
NG Tubes
If you don't know what this is, it's a soft plastic tube that runs through your nose down the back of your throat and into your stomach. During my 10 week hospital stay I have had two of these inserted and removed. To insert the tube they place it on ice to make the plastic stiff then tell you to lean forward and proceed to guide the tube into your nose. The first time they did this, the nurse tried three times to get this tube in but kept hitting the back of my nose and were unable to guide down my throat. There was no freezing involved and the experience was painful to the point where I got a very bad nose bleed.
Since the nurse was unable to insert this tube they sent me down to radiology to have a doctor put it in. This time the doctor layed me on my side and sprayed a freezing agent into my nose. Trying two times she again was unable to put the tube in and let me tell you the freezing agent didn't make the experience any less painful.
Anyways, back up to my room I went with out the tube and along the way we passed my ENT Doctor. I told him that they were trying and failing to put a NG tube in. He looked at me with a puzzled look and then followed me to my room so that he could try to insert one. Bent over my bed holding my husbands hand this Doctor shoved this tube in my nose and down my throat right to were it should be. Yes it was painful, I threw up a lot and it felt like I constantly had something stuck in the back of my throat.
This tube lasted only 24 hours in. During the night they tried feeding me through this tube using the smallest amount of liquid possible. I was getting 25ml an hour and this still made me sick. The next day I felt as though I had a steel rod running down my throat and my chest was going to explode. My mom sat there holding my hand as I cried from the pain and begged the nurse to please take the tube out. The nurse informed us that they were going to do an x-ray to make sure the tube was in the right place before they could talk about taking it out. Well after the x-ray they found that yes the tube was in the right place and they wanted me to keep it in for as long as possible.
Let me tell you, I have been so thankful for my mother during this whole experience for more reasons than I can even begin to describe. There have been a lot of times when Doctors, Nurses, medical staff didn't listen to me because they felt that they knew better than I did. When ever this happened my mom was always there to stick up for me and speak for me to make sure that I was heard. This was one of those times.
When the nurse came back and told us that the tube was in the right place and that they wanted to keep it in my mom firmly informed her that the tube was coming out. There was no explanation to why I was in so much pain and feeding me through this tube was not working so the tube was going to come out. Again, thank the Lord for my mom because that tube came out and I was back to some what normal.
A few days later I had a GI doctor come in and talk with my mom and I about trying the NG tube again. We had a long discussion and after coming to agreement I decided to try the tube again on my conditions. One, they would place a scope down my throat to make sure that I wasn't torn or too raw for the tube to be placed. Two, I would be given a medication to knock me out so that I wouldn't feel the scope or the NG tube going in. Finally Three, if I was still throwing up from the NG tube feelings or was still in pain they would remove the tube immediately and never put another one in. The Doctors agreed and so down I went to get this done.
I never felt this tube going in but apparently the drugs that I got made me a little loopy. That night the nurses hooked me up to the NG food bag and again giving me only 25ml an hour we waited to see what would happen. In less than an hour I was throwing up. The next day with out any arguments the tube came out and like the Doctors promised I never had to have another one put in.
That's only one of many procedures I have had done.
NG Tubes
If you don't know what this is, it's a soft plastic tube that runs through your nose down the back of your throat and into your stomach. During my 10 week hospital stay I have had two of these inserted and removed. To insert the tube they place it on ice to make the plastic stiff then tell you to lean forward and proceed to guide the tube into your nose. The first time they did this, the nurse tried three times to get this tube in but kept hitting the back of my nose and were unable to guide down my throat. There was no freezing involved and the experience was painful to the point where I got a very bad nose bleed.
Since the nurse was unable to insert this tube they sent me down to radiology to have a doctor put it in. This time the doctor layed me on my side and sprayed a freezing agent into my nose. Trying two times she again was unable to put the tube in and let me tell you the freezing agent didn't make the experience any less painful.
Anyways, back up to my room I went with out the tube and along the way we passed my ENT Doctor. I told him that they were trying and failing to put a NG tube in. He looked at me with a puzzled look and then followed me to my room so that he could try to insert one. Bent over my bed holding my husbands hand this Doctor shoved this tube in my nose and down my throat right to were it should be. Yes it was painful, I threw up a lot and it felt like I constantly had something stuck in the back of my throat.
This tube lasted only 24 hours in. During the night they tried feeding me through this tube using the smallest amount of liquid possible. I was getting 25ml an hour and this still made me sick. The next day I felt as though I had a steel rod running down my throat and my chest was going to explode. My mom sat there holding my hand as I cried from the pain and begged the nurse to please take the tube out. The nurse informed us that they were going to do an x-ray to make sure the tube was in the right place before they could talk about taking it out. Well after the x-ray they found that yes the tube was in the right place and they wanted me to keep it in for as long as possible.
Let me tell you, I have been so thankful for my mother during this whole experience for more reasons than I can even begin to describe. There have been a lot of times when Doctors, Nurses, medical staff didn't listen to me because they felt that they knew better than I did. When ever this happened my mom was always there to stick up for me and speak for me to make sure that I was heard. This was one of those times.
When the nurse came back and told us that the tube was in the right place and that they wanted to keep it in my mom firmly informed her that the tube was coming out. There was no explanation to why I was in so much pain and feeding me through this tube was not working so the tube was going to come out. Again, thank the Lord for my mom because that tube came out and I was back to some what normal.
A few days later I had a GI doctor come in and talk with my mom and I about trying the NG tube again. We had a long discussion and after coming to agreement I decided to try the tube again on my conditions. One, they would place a scope down my throat to make sure that I wasn't torn or too raw for the tube to be placed. Two, I would be given a medication to knock me out so that I wouldn't feel the scope or the NG tube going in. Finally Three, if I was still throwing up from the NG tube feelings or was still in pain they would remove the tube immediately and never put another one in. The Doctors agreed and so down I went to get this done.
I never felt this tube going in but apparently the drugs that I got made me a little loopy. That night the nurses hooked me up to the NG food bag and again giving me only 25ml an hour we waited to see what would happen. In less than an hour I was throwing up. The next day with out any arguments the tube came out and like the Doctors promised I never had to have another one put in.
That's only one of many procedures I have had done.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
A letter from Me to You
Dear Baby Bear,
As you are growing and developing inside of me you have no idea about the world outside and how we are all preparing for your arrival. The world on the outside is a big place and can be very overwhelming at times so I thought I would take a moment to write you this letter of things I want you to remember no matter how big you get or where you are in the world.
First I want you to know that God loves you. There will be times in your life when things don't go the way that you have planned, or you seem lost and don't remember how you got to the point where you are. In these times always remember that God loves you and He gave you life for a reason. Jer 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and future." You may not always know what God wants you to do but the best advice I can give you is to pray. Pray when you are lonely, lost, angry, pray when you are joyful and excited. God always wants to hear from you and is always ready to listen.
Secondly I want you to remember that I love you. You will hear stories of how sick you mother was during the whole time she was pregnant with you and these are not to make you feel guilty but rather to show you how loved and wanted you are. Everyday that I have been pregnant with you I have fought to keep you alive and make sure you were getting the best because I know that's what you deserve. Yes I will be honest and tell you that it was the hardest time I have ever experienced in my life and there were times when I wasn't sure I was the best mother for you, but I would do it all again just to bring you into this world and help you build the life I know God has planned for you.
Take time to listen. As you get older there will hundreds of new and exciting things that will come along and some of these will be great experiences, others will only bring hurt and heartache. When ever anything comes up always remember that your father and I will be here for you to talk to. We love you and only ever want the best for you. I know it may seem like we are too old, or that we don't understand what it's like but remember we have been children and teenagers, and we have experienced a lot of things. We promise to always be there to listen and try to see things from your point of view, all we ask is that you take the time to listen to us and respect the fact that we love you and really only ever want the best for you. We may not be able to protect you from everything but we will love you through anything.
If you are a boy I want you to remember to look up to your father. He is an amazing man who always believes the best in others and is always willing to give his time, energy and love to help with out ever wanting anything in return. You may think at times that your father is weird and yes I promise you that he will embarrass you at some point in your life, but he loves you and he loves his family. If you watch him, look up to him and follow in his footsteps you will be a better man because of it. Learn from his mistakes, grow from his wisdom.
If you are a girl the best role model I can hope for you is your Gramma Millman. She is a wonderful, strong, godly woman who believes in family, and is true to her morals. During the time that I was pregnant with you, your Gramma fought just as hard to keep you alive and trust me when I say I would have never survived with out her. She loves you more than you can even imagine and I still strive to be more like her. You could never ask for a better Gramma then Gramma Millman, and just by having her in your life you are blessed. Follow her footsteps, listen to her advice and strive to be as strong hearted and godly as she is. You will be a better woman for it.
Lastly I want you to remember to be true to yourself. Each and every day you will learn new things, grow in more ways then you can imagine and each day your personality will develop more and more. As you go through life you may feel pressured to do or try things, you may be unsure of what is right and wrong. All I can ask is that you take a moment to remember who you are and think about what you really want. If something doesn't feel right or seems to good to be true then walk away. God is always watching you and He will always let you know when something isn't right or when you should walk away from something. If you keep to your morals and listen to God's voice inside of you, you will be safer and stronger.
With all that in mind I love and continue to grow and develop. There are so many people awaiting your arrival, praying for you everyday and love you more than you can imagine. Please no matter what always remember that you are loved, wanted and are here for a reason.
With Love
Mom.
As you are growing and developing inside of me you have no idea about the world outside and how we are all preparing for your arrival. The world on the outside is a big place and can be very overwhelming at times so I thought I would take a moment to write you this letter of things I want you to remember no matter how big you get or where you are in the world.
First I want you to know that God loves you. There will be times in your life when things don't go the way that you have planned, or you seem lost and don't remember how you got to the point where you are. In these times always remember that God loves you and He gave you life for a reason. Jer 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and future." You may not always know what God wants you to do but the best advice I can give you is to pray. Pray when you are lonely, lost, angry, pray when you are joyful and excited. God always wants to hear from you and is always ready to listen.
Secondly I want you to remember that I love you. You will hear stories of how sick you mother was during the whole time she was pregnant with you and these are not to make you feel guilty but rather to show you how loved and wanted you are. Everyday that I have been pregnant with you I have fought to keep you alive and make sure you were getting the best because I know that's what you deserve. Yes I will be honest and tell you that it was the hardest time I have ever experienced in my life and there were times when I wasn't sure I was the best mother for you, but I would do it all again just to bring you into this world and help you build the life I know God has planned for you.
Take time to listen. As you get older there will hundreds of new and exciting things that will come along and some of these will be great experiences, others will only bring hurt and heartache. When ever anything comes up always remember that your father and I will be here for you to talk to. We love you and only ever want the best for you. I know it may seem like we are too old, or that we don't understand what it's like but remember we have been children and teenagers, and we have experienced a lot of things. We promise to always be there to listen and try to see things from your point of view, all we ask is that you take the time to listen to us and respect the fact that we love you and really only ever want the best for you. We may not be able to protect you from everything but we will love you through anything.
If you are a boy I want you to remember to look up to your father. He is an amazing man who always believes the best in others and is always willing to give his time, energy and love to help with out ever wanting anything in return. You may think at times that your father is weird and yes I promise you that he will embarrass you at some point in your life, but he loves you and he loves his family. If you watch him, look up to him and follow in his footsteps you will be a better man because of it. Learn from his mistakes, grow from his wisdom.
If you are a girl the best role model I can hope for you is your Gramma Millman. She is a wonderful, strong, godly woman who believes in family, and is true to her morals. During the time that I was pregnant with you, your Gramma fought just as hard to keep you alive and trust me when I say I would have never survived with out her. She loves you more than you can even imagine and I still strive to be more like her. You could never ask for a better Gramma then Gramma Millman, and just by having her in your life you are blessed. Follow her footsteps, listen to her advice and strive to be as strong hearted and godly as she is. You will be a better woman for it.
Lastly I want you to remember to be true to yourself. Each and every day you will learn new things, grow in more ways then you can imagine and each day your personality will develop more and more. As you go through life you may feel pressured to do or try things, you may be unsure of what is right and wrong. All I can ask is that you take a moment to remember who you are and think about what you really want. If something doesn't feel right or seems to good to be true then walk away. God is always watching you and He will always let you know when something isn't right or when you should walk away from something. If you keep to your morals and listen to God's voice inside of you, you will be safer and stronger.
With all that in mind I love and continue to grow and develop. There are so many people awaiting your arrival, praying for you everyday and love you more than you can imagine. Please no matter what always remember that you are loved, wanted and are here for a reason.
With Love
Mom.
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