So ladies and gentlemen, here we are at the 8 month mark. It is only another 33 days until my due date and to say that making it this far is a miracle would be putting it in minimal terms. Looking back on the last 8 months it is amazing everything that we, my family and I have had to go through. I still remember back in early stages of pregnancy the doctors were already to support me terminating this baby and me fighting and doing everything I could just to keep it. Now it seems that Baby Bear Neeson is amazingly healthy and doing very well. Me on the other had,well I am hitting my breaking point and now looking for some help.
Firstly I want to say that in no way am I ungrateful for this pregnancy or the ability to become pregnant. I would like to say that if you had to for even a week go through and feel everything that I have had to deal with, I am sure you would becoming to the same emotional, mental, and physical breaking point that I am hitting and it really would only take a week. Remember I have been doing this for 8 months.
I have a date in my head that I can hold out until before I really see myself having a total and complete breakdown and this date is not my due date.
From the very beginning I knew that I had to wait until at least December 1st because in my head that was a safe date. The baby would be developed far enough along that any major problems it could have developmentally or physically would be minimal, if there were any at all. For months and months I have done everything I can possibly do to put this baby first and make sure that he/she was ok. I even told the doctors that if it came down to it and the choice had to be made between saving the baby and saving me, save the baby first. God has a plan for this child and for me, whatever happens is suppose to happen.
Well now that we are nearing the end of this experience it seems as though the doctors are no longer willing to help me. It was only six months ago that they were willing to terminate the baby and now, the baby is healthy and I am asking for an early induction for my own health they have continually said no. So my question becomes this, what comes first the chicken or the egg?
Six months ago these same doctors were telling me that my health, the chicken, came first and we needed to do everything to make sure that I am ok. Now, even though the baby, the egg, is perfectly healthy and fully developed, my health is not what is important.
For almost three months now I have been experiencing heart problems, chest pain, shortness of breath, dizzy spells, fainting, blurred vision, extreme headaches and other problems all to hear the doctors say, "We don't know."
So back to my question, if the egg is fine, actually more than fine and the chicken is quickly deteriorating, and you can safely remove the egg from the chicken keeping both healthy, then why don't you? It almost feels like they are punishing me for wanting this baby, as if they are saying "You wanted this so you ride it out until you have to deliver. This is the bed you chose so lay in it."
So tell me...when does the chicken matter?
